The Faces of Deer

(I first posted this on my personal blog, but I decided to share it with all you Idea Farmers as well.) 

Deer are and have always been very special to me.  They appear at times I need them most, when I need to be a witness to Grace and Beauty, to be reminded of Mystery and Freedom, to be led across the bridge from Fear to Love, or to learn the simple pleasure of communicating Peace to another Being. I have stood in woods for eternal moments in the silence of trees staring deer in their bewildered eyes, basking in their essence, asking for their Wisdom. Each time I walk away feeling Beloved. The day after my Grandmother passed, when I was overcome with grief, I stood in wonder in the backyard of the house where I work as several deer convened in the grass. This was a rare occasion to begin with, but what was even rarer was the way they stayed when we came near. So, there we stood, me and my three year-old sidekick and his mother, probably ten feet from the nearest deer and up to our ears in amazement.  These were young deer, perhaps too young to know the danger of coming so close, though I like to think they were just feeling adventurous that morning. I was reminded of the last conversation I had with my Grandmother. It was my wedding day, and just hours before the fall that finally broke her. And as we talked about the wedding and my upcoming move to Australia she said to me: "I've had my adventures. Now it's your time." How can I tell you then what it was like for me to see these young deer, so free and fearless, stopping and staring at us with such fierceness of spirit?  My soul was at its knees. And what those deer communicated to my soul in that moment of connection, I lack the perception to say. All I know, is in that moment, healing began. All I know, is whether you are a three year-old just learning to say hello to life, an eighty year-old learning to say goodbye, or somewhere in between, whether or not you have ever looked into the eyes of another Being and asked for them to teach you something, you are Beloved. 

When for too long I don't go deep enough

into the woods to see them, they begin to

enter my dreams. Yes, there they are, in the

pinewoods of my inner life. I want to live a life

full of modesty and praise. Each hoof of each

animal makes the sign of a heart as it touches

then lifts away from the ground. Unless you

believe that heaven is very near, how will you

find it? Their eyes are pools in which one

would be content, on any summer afternoon,

to swim away through the door of the world.

Then, love and its blessing. Then: heaven.

-Mary Oliver

(The picture was taken at Shenandoah National Park last summer on Yuki's first camping trip. You can click to enlarge.)

As long as I'm unemployed I might as well...

Well, since I have suddenly found myself with lots of free time I have decided to write all of my stories down. See, if you know me, you know I'm a story teller. If I could have any job in the entire world I would be a story teller. But since I haven't found any posting for said position on Monster, Career Builder, craigslist, etc. I have decided that the least I can do is write them down.
At my last job I was known for my stories. In fact we had "Story time Friday" every week (and no I didn't work with children, I was a Project Manager and former Corporate bully). If I hadn't told a story by Friday at noon my co-workers would start nagging, "Hey when are we going to have story time Friday?" And I would pull some story from my quirky childhood, or recent past and share with them all. I'm sure not everyone enjoyed it as much as I did, and I know some story time Friday listeners were more loyal than others, but regardless I did have an audience for my stories. Well, my co-workers (some of whom I'll miss) are no longer privvy to story time Friday so I decided to write them and share them on my personal blog:

http://musickality.blogspot.com

I thought I would share this since that is the current creative project I am working on.

I hope that some of you will be able to post soon fellow contributors (and readers)...I am curious as to what all you Idea Farmers are up to these days!

A New Path

Exactly one week ago I quit my job. I had just returned from my friend Tracy's wedding and was feeling very happy (it's amazing how being around old friends makes you feel more like yourself than anything else). It was a normal day at the office. I was in a cheery mood, showing everyone pictures from the wedding and bragging about my ability to do low chignons for the bride's hair (I never claimed to be modest).

I never suspected that on Tuesday, the 24th of March my life would be taking an entirely different direction I had not planned for that day. I won't go into too much detail, but I will say that my boss asked me to do something that was unethical, deceptive, and was very angry when I questioned what I was being asked to do. It is amazing how some people thrive on intimidation when they feel threatened. Anyway, since I felt pressured to do something I felt was wrong, and I saw no way out of doing what I was being asked to do; I resigned. It felt very liberating. I thought about doing it for a total of about 2 minutes. Should I lie and deceive a client? Or should I quit? (Later I was told by a good business-savvy friend that I should have gone with option c. to let them fire me, but I didn't know this at the time). I walked out, and haven't looked back. I should probably be stressed about my future (or at least my pending bills), but I am not. Now it is time to find a new job, let life take me in a new direction, and open up my mind to possibilities I hadn't even considered before.

Yesterday I moved out of my apartment and turned in the key, I am now homeless, jobless, and directionless. As my friend Bryce said, "You may have to re-define what is normal for a while". Right now normal is living with friends, moving my dog Vino to my parents house temporarily, job-hunting, and taking naps at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Even though I should be feeling scared, broke, uncertain, homeless and unemployed. I feel liberated, creative, curious, certain, and right at home.